what's the point? I don't know what to do anymore. I'm feeling super depressed lately...the past few weeks especially. I can't seem to find any reason for what I'm doing. I don't have a good sense as to why I'm trying to be an artist. Hell, I'm not trying very fucking hard. My teacher says to sketch every day...to constantly be trying to improve our drawing skills. What do I do instead? Sit and watch movies, or drink, or play with my G-Tablet. I was making more "art" when I wasn't in school. Now I'm putting assignments off until the last minute and then fumbling through them in an attempt to get them in on time, which of course lowers the quality and therefore makes me feel useless. It's this stupid fucking cycle. So, does this mean, nope! You're not supposed to be an artist? Probably. But, I'm one stubborn fucker and I don't intend to just stop. What does bother me though, is that maybe I'm not supposed to be going to school. Maybe I should have just continued on making my ignorant art...hoping for some sort of break...even if I myself think it's total shit. I'm sure I could just fool the masses right? I mean why not? I could probably get shows all over the world as a "contemporary artist". Sell my feces on a plate for 10 grand.
But no...that's not what I want. People too often take the easy road. Death is so much easier than life and I want very often to take that easy road...but as I said...I'm one stubborn fucker. I'll take the long, hard road and continue to strive to be an artist of the highest quality...to be welcomed in to the upper echelon of art history for all time. And if there is an afterlife, to have that round-table of great geniuses, they will open their arms and say, "You did a wonderful job...have a seat and let's talk about art".
One can hope...
-Phil
